Complete Interview In HuffPO – Love and SCOTUS

Here is a link to Helen Eisenbach’s article in the Huffington Post that I was interviewed for     and below my complete answers.  Oh -la-la I am rubbing sentences with David Sedaris, MB Caschetta, Elana Dykewomon, Holly Hughes and many other great writers –

What was your first reaction when you heard the Supreme Court ruling?

I cried for joy because I do believe that making marriage equity the law of the land marks a milestone for greater civil liberties for all people in the United States.

Then, being me, I immediately started to worry that we are in real danger of accepting this landmark decision as an invitation to complacency. Pushing for marriage equity has taken up a lot of time, energy, and money – and hurray for Us – we won. But after we drink the champagne and eat the cake we still have dirty air and water and black folks being shot in the street, etc. My apology if yours is the cause or you are the human being who falls into this vast hole of etc.

Are there new or different stories you envision yourself telling as a result?

Yes. The novel-in-progress I am working on is about old women behaving badly. The protagonists are lesbians who have been together as a couple of sorts for sixty years.  One of the characters is no fan of monogamy. Their marriage is a negotiation as I suspect marriage always is. The women discuss and fight about the events of the day. Certainly they will follow this ruling and have things to say and argue about concerning it.

Do you think the culture will change?

As my late great dad always said “Everything is always changing.”  My fear is that marriage will change queers more than queers will change marriage. I am 63 years old and (full disclosure) have been in a loving relationship with the same woman for decades. We are probably getting married sometime soon. Still the institution of marriage, especially the part where The State gets involved in our relationship, has never been a big draw for either me or my beloved. Some folks seem to stay in amazing loving relationships for their whole lives. If marriage helps them do that, if having a party and vows in front of their friends makes them happy, I’m ready to eat more cake and throw more confetti.  As long as marriage doesn’t become seen as the only acceptable way for people to live meaningful lives or live with each other – hooray.

I hated the part at the end of the decision where Kennedy declares marriage is “essential to our most profound hopes and aspirations.” Really – so people who don’t aspire to marriage are less profound? Are we less profound in our parenting and friendships and jobs and community relationships, too? I have a profound relationship with my beloved. If The State gets involved I will still have a profound relationship with her.

Worse was the bit about single people “condemned to lives of loneliness.” And this gem “It offers the hope of companionship and understanding and assurance that while both still live there will be someone to care for the other.” OK, in my experience this last bit about having someone to care for you at the end is sometimes a benefit, but I have noticed that close friends are also a good bet in old age. Don’t get me started on Universal Health Care. The Affordable Care Act made it. I hear this may effect a few married and unmarried queers.

About sallybellerose

Author of The Girls Club, Bywater Press, spring 2011 writer gardener booklover
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5 Responses to Complete Interview In HuffPO – Love and SCOTUS

  1. I very much agree about the reluctance to invite government into ones life. Long before I fell in love, or even knew my intimate identity, I didn’t want to get married. And, even though (like you) I’ve supported those who did and do wish to marry, I was fighting first and foremost for total equality, not piecemeal. Now, marriage appears as a double edged sword, more an expectation of, than a right to. We are struggling with the decision over how best to protect each other — love being absolute and approval not being necessary.

  2. Thanks for your thoughtful reply my friend. I so enjoy all you writing, even your responses are a pleasure.

  3. I confess I haven’t read the decision, so am disappointed in the tactless bits. I agree with you that the benefits of marriage equality will extend well beyond married couples. But there’s still a lot of row to hoe, and we’re beginning to feel the backlash. As far as the state being involved, I remember the mix of elation and dread as I applied for a marriage license. Now we were on a list. A list someone, someday, could use against us if this doesn’t go well. And despite how profoundly committed I felt to my partner, hearing her sister introduce me as her sister-in-law made me a little giddy. Yes, there is that need for wider social acceptance.

    Congrats on the interview! What a well-deserved honor!

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